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Category Archives: Music

Finding beauty in every day… a 365 day challenge. #beautyineveryday

omlotus

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to cope with all the happenings taking place in the world today. And not just on the global or national scale (which, of course, are heavy enough) but, all the things that are happening day to day, month to month, to each of us. Life, by nature, challenges us – pushes us to overcome on a daily basis. Teaches us how to cope (or not cope) and forces us to keep moving forward because we have no choice. Time goes on, days go by, you wake up, you go to work, you go to sleep and then wake up to do it all over again. It’s an unavoidable cycle that, if you’re not careful, can slip by you in infinite time and the next thing you know you wake up at 37 and wonder how the hell you got here so quickly.

Finding purpose is something that I have admittedly struggled with. But I think that’s OK. I think that part of the journey of life is discovering and re-discovering purpose. Re-discovering self. Growing up I had a purpose – horses. In college I had a purpose. At least, the kind of purpose a 20 y/o woman surrounded by powerful, ambitious and brilliant women has. A purpose that I still tap into. With my ex, I had a purpose – a life, a love, a family and a future. In the years since then it’s been much less clear.

I used to use this blog as an opportunity to process. To share. To put what I am feeling on the inside out into the world, with the hope that someone would hear it – or that I would be heard. I used to sit in front of my computer late at night bursting with thoughts and feelings that I felt compelled to get out. And then I would go through phases where I’d grow silent. Repression, maybe? Avoidance – more likely. At times I thought perhaps I had healed what needed healing and had nothing left to say. Other times, I thought to myself that perhaps I just had nothing left to feel.

Today I feel compelled to write again. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and have known for quite some time that the day was imminent that I would feel this unyielding need to sit in front of my computer and write again – and not because it was my job or someone was telling me to do it. But, because I feel this insatiable need to do it, to get it out there and to share it with others. Perhaps it’s because I’ve reached an emotional place where I know I’m not alone and want to feel the support of my community around me. Perhaps it’s because I think I have something to offer to those who are in a similar space. Or, perhaps it’s because I’ve come to accept some things about myself and my life, my career and my situation, that have forced me to opened up again and to share.

I experienced something quite remarkable last night (something that I will go into detail on in a future post) but the essence of what it taught me is that in order for my life and my energy to flow, I need to find my voice and to express it. To find my joy and to share it with others. I could sit here and go into an over-analysis of my astrology charts, numerology, colorstrology, birthday charts, aura, energies, etc., but that might seem boring and a little new age for most of you. The important thing that I know and have learned about myself through this is that I have a deep, deep empathy for others – one that has, at times, led me to have premonitions or a telepathic connection (yeah, I know. sounds crazy! – and for yet another post) – and a desire to influence happiness and positivity in others. I give more of myself than is healthy at times, but that is a choice that I make conciously and willingly. I also harbor emotions too strongly and too deeply, and that has often closed a door around my heart that is hard to reopen. But that’s OK. That’s life. That’s learning and that is progress. I also know that I can comfort people just by being in their presence. That I am often a rock in an otherwise chaotic life. And that fills me with joy and a sense of purpose.

So… this leads me to the purpose of this post. The last couple of years have been very tumultuous in my life – relationships, cancer, work. And the last six months  have been particularly challenging at work. We have been in the midst of many changes, much of which have a direct impact on me, my team and the work that we do. It’s unsettling, and frustrating and infuriating, at times. After months of resistence to it I was able to realize that the negativity was not going to change or solve anything. Only make it harder to cope – harder to move on. So I have been working the last few months to create positive energy at work. To give some of my (sometimes exasperating) sense of optimism back to my team. It may sound silly but, I have created a white board where I’ve asked that we write, draw or attach the joy that we want to find in our work that day. The comments range from silly to serious, inside jokes to personal experiences. My intention is to help everyone find a reason to laugh, a reason to smile, a reason to think to themselves that things aren’t as bad as they feel right now.

This doesn’t mean things aren’t bad. And it certainly doesn’t mean that the feelings we are feeling and the experiences we are having – with work, with life, with politics, with humanity – aren’t valid. It just means that there is also much to appreicate in the world. There is much to love and much to find joy in. And in order to be our best selves, to find the courage and the strength to change the wrongs, to find our purpose – we must fuel it with joy… with appreciation. With love.  With compassion.

And so I am challenging myself (and any of those who wish to join) to take a journey with me – to post something every day  for 365 days that is beautiful… that you find joy, happiness or laughter in. Something you appreciate and/or love. Something that inspires you. Repeat posts are OK, because this journey is for you, not me or anyone else. We are just here to support you. And if you miss a day, that’s OK too, because there is no judgement here. No competition. No failure. This is for you. This is for me. This is what I feel compelled to do to keep my focus and to keep moving forward. Perhaps, to move beyond.

Use the hashtag #beautyineveryday and let’s begin…

My Day 1 selection is for the women in my life: past, present and future. When I had the idea I decided to go through all my facebook photos and pull pics of me with the women I love, who have touched me and inspired me. In doing so I found myself feeling overwhelmed with pride and joy – and the recognition that I have been fortunate to have been touched by so many remarkable women who have grounded and shaped me, and served as role models for the woman that I hope to be. There is so much joy and laughter in these photos. As well as happiness free of the gravity of sadness, uncertainty, unknowns. They remind me just how much love, kindness and passion there is in the world. All of which I hope to tap into on this journey. They remind me of the hope that I have.

So my beauty in the world today is all of you. You wonderful, gentle, inspirational, powerful women.

Day 1

 

 

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Soul food.

I had an incredible experience last night that I can’t stop thinking about. I will be writing about it but, in the meantime, enjoy this little ditty. Heard it in the car this morning and it hit pretty deep.


The Trapeze Swinger (cover) – Gregory Alan Isakov

I love this version of this Iron & Wine song – and Gregory, well, his voice speaks for itself.


You are a rare bird…

 

Ani DiFranco, ‘In The Margins’.


Wicked Game (cover) – James Vincent McMorrow

Hands down one of my favorite covers of all time. Doesn’t hurt that it’s sung by one of my favorite voices of all time. If you haven’t listened to James much I strongly recommend that you spend some time with him. Just beautiful.


Touching without consent is NEVER OK…

Before I start, you need the backstory to this… Please read this first.

Touching someone without their consent is NEVER ok.

“Sexual assault is any involuntary sexual act in which a person is threatened, coerced, or forced to engage against their will, or any sexual touching of a person who has not consented. This includes rape (such as forced vaginal, anal, or oral penetration), groping, forced kissing, child sexual abuse, or the torture of a victim in a sexual manner.”

This morning I woke up feeling disgusted and saddened to know that we live in a world where a 20-something girl (probably high) thought that it was OK to put her hands on me, a 33 year old woman, last night at the Boston Calling Music Festival because she “just loved my ass” and couldn’t resist. And I’m even more saddened by the reaction of her friends and the Boston police officers who were involved in the situation. If it were a man who had groped me in that manner, unprovoked, in a public setting, he would have been escorted out in handcuffs. I give props to the officers for moving them away from our area and standing guard the rest of the set so that I felt safe but it shouldn’t have taken our pleading and pointing out that I had just been sexually assaulted to do it. The fact that this was a female who grabbed and groped me, unprovoked, should not have made a fucking difference. It doesn’t matter that you’re the same gender as I am. Assault is assault. It’s never OK. EVER.

It’s not FUNNY. It’s not in the name of a GOOD TIME. I don’t give a SHIT if you’re high on Molly, weed or drunk off your ass. No, I’m NOT going to give you a pass because you’re out of your mind fucked up. In no world, in no universe, is it OK for you to lay your hands on ANY PART of my body without my consent and I THANK GOD that my parents taught me the common decency and respect to know that. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. I don’t want you touching me, PERIOD.

Em & Amy Boston Calling

My friend & I earlier in the day. So happy and excited.

I’m thankful for having a great, protective friend who stood up for me in a situation where I felt so violated that I could hardly process what had just happened. After the chaos and confusion of the moment started to pass, I felt overwhelmed. I felt angry. I still feel that girl’s hands on me, and every horrified moment that came after.

An unfortunate ending to what was otherwise a fantastic and happy music-filled day. A day that I paid good money for, to feel safe and not have to worry about unwanted hands groping me unexpectedly. To say I’ll never enjoy a concert the same way again is an understatement. 

Boston Calling Music Fest


It’s just this heart on my sleeve that’s bleeding

Oh Mama, don’t walk away

I’m a goddam sore loser

I ain’t too proud to stay
But I’m still thinking ’bout you

And I’m so lonesome without you

And I can’t get you out of my mind

Oh Mama, don’t leave me alone

With my soul shut down so tight

Just like a stone cold tomb
Ain’t it clear when I’m near you

I’m just dying to hear you

Calling my name one more time?
Oh, so don’t pay no mind

To my watering eyes

Must be something in the air that I’m breathing
Yes and try to ignore

All this blood on the floor

It’s just this heart on my sleeve that’s bleeding
Oh Mama don’t walk away

You leave me here bereaving

From the words so hard and plain
Saying the love that we had

Was just selfish and sad

To see you now with him is just making me mad
Oh so kiss him again

Just to prove to me that you can

I’ll stand here and burn in my skin
Yes, I will stand here and burn in my skin
(Burn – Ray Lamontagne)