What, no kiss??

I met this guy in a bar. I was visiting a friend on a Sunday night who was bartending. It has become a regular Sunday night ritual where we keep each other company, gossip about work and commiserate over our respective exholes.

Yes, EXholes. I’ve coined it. It’s the new term for any emotionally, physically, psychologically abusive, lying, cheating ex who doesn’t deserve a single one of the tears you cried over them. And now, after years of separation and therapy you now know exactly what an asshole they were. Hence, exhole.

Anyhoo… back to the bar. My friend and I were chatting as usual when I noticed this guy across the bar making googly-smiley eyes at me while he was sitting with another woman.


After about 15 mins of this, the woman gets up to use the loo and over jogs googly-eyes. In one swift movement he drops a note next to my drink, plants a peck on my cheek and scurries back over to his bar stool before the date has time to wipe front to back. The note reads:

“I’m not with this woman, just met her tonight. I feel rude ditching her but I’d rather be talking to you. Text me. xxx-xxx-xxxx.”


Of course, I’m color blind… and desperate for some romantic attention so I figure, what the heck.

Jump forward 2-3 days and he’s taking me out to dinner.

His story: in town for work at the local military base. Cute, my age and friendly enough. Comes back once a month or so. Leaving town in the morning to head back to the West Coast where he’s from.

Seems kind of simple-minded and plain for my taste but, maybe he’d be good to makeout with? At least I can get a free dinner out of it.

We decide to meet at a yummy Italian restaurant for dinner. He seems annoyed that I want to meet at 8:30pm or 9:00pm so that I have time to get my gym time in but, I figure maybe he’s just really hungry?

We sit down and order our meals. My favorite part is the house salad… yum! The salad arrives and we both eat a big plate of it. I can tell already that there’s no love connection here. I don’t feel the chemistry and, to be honest, he’s kind of a prick. But, I don’t like to be rude to people and I convince people I like them even if I don’t for a living, so playing the good date isn’t too hard for me.

The entrees arrive (Thank god. I can eat quickly, we can skip dessert and I can get out of here!).  Suddenly, he reaches into his mouth and pulls out a piece of gum and sticks it on the side of his plate.




He then proceeds to eat his meal, make boring conversation, finish his meal and put the piece of gum back in his mouth.

I remember doing shit like that when I was 10. Not 30.

At the end of the night as we’re saying goodbye, I thank him for dinner and tell him it was nice to meet him… hoping to get on my way. He grabs me, and says he really thinks we hit it off and would like me to join him back in his hotel room that night. You know, to “see him off before his flight”. Huh?

I politely decline and say “I’m not that kind of girl” and begin to walk away… and he calls after me as I get in my car:

“What, no kiss??”


2 responses to “What, no kiss??

  • skinbycarrielorrain

    wow… love the phrase Exholes,but I would not have called the douche nozzle.

    • UnderALilacTree

      fair enough… how about I rephrase it to “lying cheating”? I generally try to stay away from words that are degrading and hurtful to others. It may have been a heat of the moment, kind of thing. 🙂 Thanks for reading!

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